Losses…..

I have not written in ages, because to update my blog I have to post about losing two more of my beloved dogs.  But, here it goes….

Old Man Stan went to the Rainbow Bridge on January 27th.  He died peacefully in my arms, knowing he was loved and cherished.  He had been on a long, slow decline, and he wasn’t interested in being here any longer. 

My last picture of Old Man Stan:

Charlie’s loss is so painful I can’t express it.  He began attacking Peanut, unprovoked, causing a couple of minor injuries, but with the potential for much more.  Charlie bit me by accident while trying to pull him off Peanut, and I had to go to the ER.  After the third attack in less that a week, where Peanut got slashed right near his eye, it was enough.  Peanut was utterly terrified, and he was shaking and hiding from Charlie.  Peanut was terrified in his own home, and I felt he was not safe with Charlie around.  I contacted the shelters to give up Charlie, but either no one was available to assess him, or they just would not take him.  The next morning, Charlie suddenly could not walk on his hind legs.  I could not touch him.  He was agitated, in pain.  I did the only kind thing I could think of, I took him in and also had him put to sleep.  It was exactly one week after Stan. 

Charlie would not go quietly.  He was so restless, he dislodged the first catheter put in.  I was trying to hold him, and he would not lie down.  It was not a peaceful death like Stan’s.  Charle was struggling the whole time, and when the injection was given, he collapsed in my arms.  It was ugly and painful to watch.  My stubborn bulldog was fighting to the very end.   It was horrible.  I am haunted by it. 

I wish a million times I could have figured out something else to do.  In the four short months Charlie Bear was here, he utterly charmed me and I adored him.  He loved me fiercely.  But Peanut had to be my priority.  He was at risk of being seriously harmed.  And he was being emotionally terrorized.  I don’t know what happened, or why it happened, or what I could have done differently.  This will be one of those regrets that will never leave me.

I am so sorry, my sweet, funny, goofy Charlie Bear.  I hope you have finally found some peace.  You will always have a very special place in my heart.

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